super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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