apparently the secret to your success is patron
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
