I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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