That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize