Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
