I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
