i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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