i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
