So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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