I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
