Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
