that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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