my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
