You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
