i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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