Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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