I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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