Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
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I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
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Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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