somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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