It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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