Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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