he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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