So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
