I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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