You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
