we're chasing vodka with high fives
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
