addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize