I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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