It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
this is an emotional support booty call
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
