I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
