I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
