I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
