we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
