We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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