I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
