so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
