Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
