I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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