saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those nachos came to me in a dream
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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