If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize