the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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