the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
