i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
