I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
