Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
