On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
