the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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