I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize