The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize