thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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