im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
