Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
