how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
