youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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