I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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