I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The ass gains better be worth it
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