I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
