I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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