Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
