so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
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as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
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Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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